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Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Down but not out

Maybe its that time of year, but over the past couple of days my energy has been low. I am writing this post for any mothers of autistic children out there, searching for help, reading all about 'warrior mums' and thinking - I can't do that. We all have moments where the weight of our challenges exceeds what we think we can bear. This applies to everyone, even those leading a relatively 'normal' life. Quite tears of hopelessness are shed by us all. Looking round my house at the broken curtain rails, the small smears on the walls EVERYWHERE, the light hitting the small hand prints on the windows, the broken glass in the clock, the torn books and strewn CD's, the builders dust settled everywhere (we have finally had the hall ceiling re-plastered) the broken bits and bobs mingled with the strewn toys, my body feels like lead as I carry yet again the duvet upstairs, negotiating round the hoover wires and pipes. Once put away, they are instantly strewn again leaving a hopelessness around the mess. There really is only so many times a day you can put something away, so many times you can challenge a behaviour. Mopping up the endless rounds of wee, this morning I don't think any of it went in the toilet, scrubbing out another soiled pair of pants ... endless, endless rounds of fruitless activity. Its very easy to get disheartened and slip to that place where the Doctor says, 'I think your a little depressed, lets give you something to help.'

Sometimes you just have to pull yourself together as you slide, and nothing does it better for me than laughter. Let me share the two things that put the bounce back in me. Sunday morning, when I open the front door, a massive orb spider had woven a web across our porch. The dew from the morning mist and the light from the sun shone on the web making it clear to see. The spider really looked like he was trying to catch us - nothing quite like aiming high! It made me and Tom laugh, which is quite something because I am not good with spiders normally to say the least. The second thing that tickled my fancy was in the back garden. I never really got on top of the garden this summer, which is why a plant I hadn't planted was growing in an empty container. It had a bit of soil in the bottom from the last plant, but I never got around to doing anything with it. However, something had self seeded there, and its leaves looked familiar so it never got pulled up with the normal round of weeding. Well, Sunday I figured out what it was and how it came to be there. Its a tomato plant. The pot is the one Ed did a pooh in over the summer, at the time he was eating loads of cheery tomatoes. So yes, its a pooh plant - you have to admit that's funny. That's all it took to cheer me up, I love it when nature holds her hand out to you. You know, your born you die, and all that matters is that you never gave up and did your best in-between. So take a deep breath, invoke feelings of I can do this, and put your best foot forward with whatever problems your life offers up to you, and try to see them as lesson. Before you know it, you'll have graduated on to something better. X


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